Note: Last entry from a handwritten journal kept during Adira's slavery
Adira sat on the transport trying to hold back the tears. She had wanted to stay but she was afraid that he would never trust her. She sighed heavily as she sat in her compartment and pulled out her diary. Her hands drifted over its worn edges and the wine stained pages. It held so many memories. The first page filled with the scrawled hand writing of a terrified little girl, alone in the dark and so on until the entry she was about to write.
April 2nd, 2258 Earth Standard
I miss him already. I am sure that is no surprise looking over the past entries and the happiness that is now gone. I wonder if he will ever trust me enough to love me as he had before yesterday. I wonder about my mother and Kailin now as I am on my way home. What will they think of me? … this black stain on their honor that I now am. No longer am I the beautiful little girl, the shining star of the house. Now I am a blight that will have to be overcome; that is unless they send me away.
I don’t want to think of that. I feel so alone and cold. I had finally found a place of solace, a place where I belonged there in his arms and now I am again a drift with no true place to belong. After all I have been through one would assume that it may become easier but it has not. I still feel uprooted, tossed about and hurt. In a way I am glad I have not become numb over time but as I sit here still feeling the warmth of his embrace and the lack of his presence I wish I had no hearts at all. That I could just go on without looking back.
Perhaps returning home will finally bring me stability and I can work back to being whole. Perhaps I will someday be able to convince him that I did the only thing I could that I risked my life for the love I feel for him. Right now the words won’t come for such apologies nor can I face the pain of what I have done, of the lies and deceit and betrayal. In the deepest places of my hearts I hope that he can forgive and I can forgive myself for what has been done and one day I can do as he asked as we parted ways. “Comeback to me someday.”
Adira closed the journal and couldn’t help but wish that “someday” was tomorrow or even now at this moment but she knew it would take many years for them both to heal. She put her faith in Li to mend what had been broken as she tucked her treasured diary back into her bag.